My gnosis expereince...

by DarkChylde on Tue Nov 20, 2007 9:32 pm

I didn't have a Master, or a tzaddik or anything, altho I have met a few of late that I have learned a great deal from in a short amount of time. There are a few I would consider my mentors, but they would probably be uncomfortable if I called them that.
I just bumbled around and discovered a great deal for myself, later validating it with my studies and learnings from others.
I have had experiences that were mystical. My first I had was when I was experimenting with Celtic shamanism. I was basically trying to induce an OBE but instead I 'popped in' to a place of complete and utter darkness, no stars, no anything. Not ready for the experience, it frightened me. No more fire scrying for me!!
Then about a year later, I was 33 at the time, I was in a dark time of my life. I had a traumatic experience as a child that had left me to be depressed and self-destructive most of my life. I had attempted suicide before, but not really. This time I didn't want to be stopped, or helped, I really wanted to die from despair. I was lying on my bed writing my note, and suddenly the room was filled with 'something', and a being of light was sitting beside me, stroking my hair, and love that was a physical, tangible wave just washed over me from this, and just as suddenly I was alone again, but my pain and darkness had vanished completely, tears were cold on my cheeks. I tore up the note, took a shower and picked up my girls from my mom's (where I was ging to leave them before carrying out my 'plan') and I have not had a suicidal thought since. Still pain, still hurt and tears, but never have I felt that darkness of self-destruction since. The few I spoke to about it told me I had seen an 'angel', but I was a daughter of Hecate, black, pointy hat kind of witch at the time, so I seriously doubted that. I told my oldest daughter (years later) and she pestered me to draw a picture of the face. I told her I couldn't, I draw in shadows and this being was made of light, but she persisted, and I am not half bad at drawing, so many wads of paper later I presented her with a passable picture of my 'visitor'. She frowned and said, 'but mommie, that is you." My divine twin?
Then my 'light expereince' happened when I first started studing gnostisicm, and I was contemplating the Epinoia, the life force which flows thru all things and connects us to the ONE, and I was alone except for a cat, Contessa du Ebony, who was napping in my lap. I stared at her half-closed eyes, trying to 'see' the life force, to see if it was an auric thing or what, and a light that I cannot describe flickered in her half-closed eyes, then I 'saw' it, altho I don't think it was with the gelatenous orbs in my head, but rather with the psychic 'sight.' And then, I suddenly WAS - I was aware of every cell in my body, every hair on my head, the 'light' I saw from the cat's half-closed eyes was coming from the cat, coming from me, coming from the plant on the table and streaming in the window and streams floating by like clouds past me and thru me, and I got bigger and smaller, I became the cells in my body, the mitocondria in my cells, I was the chair of plastic and wood, where some 'warmth' of the light still dwelled, I was the floor, and the ground under the floor, and the dirt with the bugs and the worms and the roots, and the air and the clouds and the birds and the trees, and the noise and the people- the experience got bigger and bigger until I was the land mass and the ocean and the moon and the stars and the sun - and then I felt a music, a song, and this 'light' that makes our brightest sun a dirty mirror's reflection of a candleflame just kept getting bigger and brighter and I was immersed in it, like a pleasure you always wanted and never found, and peace and love sounds so pale and hokey to describe what I was feeling. Then I was in the chair, blinking and moving a little stiffly, and the cat was awake and giving me the strangest look.
My life was truly changed then, I have been at peace in ways I never thought I could, I am much like I was as a child, and enjoy the simple wonders in life, I hope to see my grandchildren's children one day, I have hope and I have love and it was there in me all along, I just didn't know how to find it.
I get stressed, but never like I used to, and it certainly doesn't excuse me for overreacting to things like I once did. My family and friends give me sidelong looks. My husband did for the longest, but I think he is more confident now that I am going to stay this way, not just having a 'good spell.' He and I have become much closer, and my children are confident that mommy loves them, and she sure doesn't stress and freak out like she used to!
Those are my experiences. I feel the last to be my 'gnosis' experience.

by Admin on Wed Nov 21, 2007 12:37 pm

Hi DarkChylde

That was really beautiful. sunny

It shows what wonders can come out of perseverance, suffering, and pain.

PLU Very Happy

by DarkChylde on Tue Nov 27, 2007 12:28 am

Thanx.
It is kind of that dicotomy thing, I think it our defining aspect as humans, that it is in pain we truly learn the meaning of life, and how in the dark we are left to produce our own light, which I think is why we are here and why we 'chose' to be here, tho we have forgotten....

by orion77 on Wed Nov 28, 2007 7:45 pm

DarkChylde wrote:
and then I felt a music, a song, and this 'light' that makes our brightest sun a dirty mirror's reflection of a candleflame just kept getting bigger and brighter and I was immersed in it, like a pleasure you always wanted and never found, and peace and love sounds so pale and hokey to describe what I was feeling.
My life was truly changed then, I have been at peace in ways I never thought I could, I am much like I was as a child, and enjoy the simple wonders in life,

Hello DarkChylde,

I appreciate hearing of your experiences. I like how you explained His love, as if it can Cool

. It's a joy that no man can take away from you, although is hard to describe even amongst those who have simlar experiences, beyond our human intellect to describe. It's something never heard or imagined, yet true, a light so bright where one can literally see the love.

Have you tried explaining this to church pastors or priests? If you have, what was their reaction towards you?

Peace.

Gary

by DarkChylde on Thu Nov 29, 2007 3:41 am

Actually, I get either the 'be nice to the crazy person' or the angel thing. But mostly the first one. My own father thinks it was a result of too much partying in my younger days. Laughing

But that was when I described my 'visitor'.
I haven't discussed my 'light' experience but with a few, while they have other experiences like mine, they are not into a beleif or relgion of any form, so I find it hard to discuss my renewed interest in scripture (albeit from a gnostic intepretation) and I CAN'T discuss it with any of my regular, chirstian friends (starts too many arguements, and people think I'm nuts anyway) so I am usually left to figure it out for myself, ok, done whining now... bounce

by orion77 on Thu Nov 29, 2007 6:47 am

DarkChylde wrote:Actually, I get either the 'be nice to the crazy person' or the angel thing. But mostly the first one. My own father thinks it was a result of too much partying in my younger days. But that was when I described my 'visitor'.
I haven't discussed my 'light' experience but with a few, while they have other experiences like mine, they are not into a beleif or relgion of any form, so I find it hard to discuss my renewed interest in scripture (albeit from a gnostic intepretation) and I CAN'T discuss it with any of my regular, chirstian friends (starts too many arguements, and people think I'm nuts anyway) so I am usually left to figure it out for myself, ok, done whining now...

Yes, that's strange why God has it set up this way, yet from Genesis to Rev. it has always been this way for His people. When I read the Psalms, they give me great comfort, for they relate so much to my own life. David always speaking of being surrounded by his enemies, now here is a man after Gods own heart, yet isn't it true, we are surrounded by those who only have fleshly understanding of God and scripture. Then the openess of his words he speaks to God, and how he knows God intimately. The way he loves God and how God has showed him so much, yet he was as us, oftentimes making mistakes going down the wrong roads, and God upheld David for his deep need and searching for the truth.

Sorry to ramble, but I understand perfectly. They don't know what to think of me. scratch

Sometimes I'll act a certain way or say a certain thing, just to give them a little bit of gossip to keep them happy. lol!

God to love them anyways.

Peace.

Gary

by stacey on Fri Nov 30, 2007 3:27 am

HI DC
Thanks for sharing your experience. How awesome! I can truly relate to the oneness and unity of all things. I love the "be nice to the crazy person" because I think it is a common thread that runs between all of us and our experience...no matter how similar or different, ultimately we all seem to have shared those looks or responses.

I have another friend that had a similar experience to the one you discribe with the light and energy...it is my hope one day to be able to experience something like that. I guess we are all given our particular gifts and I don't know if these things will ever be shown to me...but I will keep an open mind and know that all things are possible Very Happy

Peace.
Stacey

by Admin on Fri Nov 30, 2007 6:29 am

stacey wrote:HI DC
Thanks for sharing your experience. How awesome! I can truly relate to the oneness and unity of all things. I love the "be nice to the crazy person" because I think it is a common thread that runs between all of us and our experience...no matter how similar or different, ultimately we all seem to have shared those looks or responses.

I have another friend that had a similar experience to the one you describe with the light and energy...it is my hope one day to be able to experience something like that. I guess we are all given our particular gifts and I don't know if these things will ever be shown to me...but I will keep an open mind and know that all things are possible

Peace.
Stacey

Hi Stacey

The Light is always there within us ~ always has been, and always will be. It is just a question of pulling down the veil (our own mind) that hides it.

The mind is a very very powerful instrument, in some people, perhaps, more than in others. I equate the lower (carnal or unenlightened) mind with satan (the 'adversary'). As my Master says, the mind can be a very useful servant, but a very domineering and evil master.

The whole purpose of meditation is to cleanse the mind and tear down the veil that hides the inner Light.

KNOW THY (TRUE) SELF!
SEEK, AND YOU WILL FIND!
PERSEVERE!

Peace, Love, & Understanding Very Happy

by DarkChylde on Tue Dec 04, 2007 2:25 am

Very true.

When I had my experience, I had been sitting for awhile, I had lulled the cat to sleep petting her, she had been purring and it was a moment akin to relaxation, and while I had focused my thoughts before, I had gone into a kind of trance-like state, where I was thinking but I wasn't, and when I made the cross over, I think I had left the 'talking self,' or the consciuos me in a state of being in a 'zone'. I seemed to go within and without, to expand and to shrink, but not in the idea of a physical shapeshift, or the idea of that, but an expanding of the sight, rather than my eyes I used something else, a psychic sight for a hokey term, I can't come up with better right now.

by stacey on Tue Dec 04, 2007 5:22 am

Thanks for sharing that...because I can totally relate to the "seeing" without the use of your eyes. Wink

I struggle too with words, because it seems that our language just doesn't have the richness that is needed to express the experience, and so...hokey works cheers

we can atleast express the idea very primarily and I guess that is what matters.

Peace.
Stacey

by AYOGI on Tue Dec 04, 2007 8:17 am

Hi Stacey

The Light is always there within us ~ always has been, and always will be. It is just a question of pulling down the veil (our own mind) that hides it.

The mind is a very very powerful instrument, in some people, perhaps, more than in others. I equate the lower (carnal or unenlightened) mind with satan (the 'adversary'). As my Master says, the mind can be a very useful servant, but a very domineering and evil master.

The whole purpose of meditation is to cleanse the mind and tear down the veil that hides the inner Light.

KNOW THY (TRUE) SELF!
SEEK, AND YOU WILL FIND!
PERSEVERE!

Peace, Love, & Understanding

REPLY

Greetings,
Yes... God is Light and we His children are also light. What did "the Christ" mean by declaring "YOU are the light of the world"... "let YOUR LIGHT so shine before men?"... (Matt 5:15,16)

Once we discover we are NOT "I-am-the-body" (EGO) but "spiritual beings" (souls of light), we than can begin to walk in that knowledge of who we really are ~ sunny

~ your "true-Self" (Christ-Self)... only then will YOUR LIGHT so shine before men that they will see your good works and glorify your Father which is in heaven.

So yes our brother is right... "the light is always there within us." It's just a matter of each and everyone of us awakening to it and discovering it for ourslves.

"Wherefore he saith, Awake thou that sleepest, ans arise from the dead, and (the) Christ shall give thee light." (Eph. 5:14)

Peace to all
AYOGI

by DarkChylde on Thu Dec 27, 2007 3:13 am

VERY true, Ayogi, and very well put as well. Wink

by Prism1111 on Fri Jan 25, 2008 3:19 pm

That vision and experiance that You were one with, was truely Breathtaking to read DC. Your are right in saying, its something that one never forgets or can be takin away, But rather like a Mother that nurishes continually. I too had an experiance which I will post separtly maybe here when I was 22 years old and remember it like it was today, which it actually is, in that realm with Christ. I too was told I must have burnt my brain on drugs, seeing that I was of the first woodstock era, and thier was alot of Phycodelics around then. lol!

No one realy related to what I said, except others that have had the same or similar experiance. All in all I knew that this was my Born again experiance which I found out now, as in Christ words of the disciples asking Him if the baptism of water has any meaning or power associated to it as John performed.
He said:Baptism is the total of submitting oneself to the Father and following the word of God, through the Holy Spirit. Not play-acting with water. Pistis Sophia
By hearing Your own experiance, I am truely awed in the powers of God that come to many of his children in a oneness of meaning, but in thier specific ways to unfold to each to inhance our own true journeys that are leading to unique goals in works and finish in our position of inherantance in the Kingdom on completion. Christ Apon His choosing will show whats needed at any point within our lives in all perfection the leads toward that Light.

You are blessed DC as your words are witness of that and your works we see in sharing, May you find the the inheratence on your journey you seek truely.

Brother Thomas

by DarkChylde on Fri Jan 25, 2008 9:56 pm

It is true. I drank from the waters, and thirst no more.... I was so lost, I wanted so much to know and didn't. Now I do, I KNOW God for myself, and the change has been so dramatic. My husband and children watched me sideways for sometime, to make sure I wasn't just having a 'good day.' But it has gone on, and I have been so different since.
My grandfather, while suprisingly a Baptist minister, was NEVER judgemental or condmening as so many of that genre are, never got to know I found a new relationship with Christ. (He would not have cared I am a so-called heretic. He would see and know the differnce it made in me and not question it came from God, he was very open to such things, esp. to be a southern baptist minister!)
I have seen the light, and I ain't in the dark no more! cheers

by Pila on Sat Jan 26, 2008 4:29 am

The Light within, is NOT something you have, You and every Human on Earth is Born in the Light, of course you have it.

It is SEEING the Light Within, anytime you like, with you own Eyes that makes the real different. When you can SEE the Holy Image of that is LIFE within.

YOU are the Temple of God, and when you Purge and purify the Temple, God will enter His Holy Temple and Hang his picture so you as a son of God can see his Holy Image anytime you like.

When you say you have the Light or you are enlightened, this is no different than a Christian saying I am a reborn in Christ. If you are born with the light within, what is the different between you and Christian, none at all.

But the SEE the Light within, with your own two eyes, That is REALITY.
Anything different is make believe. They believe they are in the Light.

My logo is what I SEE, and it is what I Teach others to SEE.

I can’t teach you on here, because it takes the laying of Hands to activate.

Jesus Purged his Temple, with Living water, while he was fasting. Jesus said you can SEE the Holy Ghost, Paul said You can SEE the Holy Ghost. Jesus laid hands on Paul, and Paul laid hands on others.

I not trying the take away what you have, But trying to help you go deeper within. If you see a blind man walking into a pit, would you not stop him and put him back on the path?

I Love all God's Children.

Pila:sunny: flower

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