Extreme introspection

I am wandering into my own mind, and I am enjoying it. Dive down that rabbit hole and go deep, I say. Look at all the emotion, the suppressed feelings and denied desires. Stare into the face of that monster: fear, and pick it apart into a million little pieces until it is too small to exist anymore. Undo the knot of other people's imposed beliefs and shiboleths so that you can think for yourself, work out your own universal scheme and locate yourself in it, because though we share this place, we are an entire universe unto ourselves.

We share a space with each other, yet no one can really enter our worlds; we have to live in them all alone. No one else can climb into our heads with us. It gets lonely in here. There seemes to be a constant re-arranging of absolutes, so much so that I have given up on anything even remotely resembling any such thing. I thought there were. Absolutes, I mean. But really, I am the only absolute in my life, so I have to take care to let in only what won't damage the environment.

Shit. Too late. There's been a lot of water underneath that bridge. Damage control! Environmental clean-up!

Other problems? A rapidly shifted worldview, scads of updated information, sensory overload and the undeniable need to pitch all of this baggage - and now my brain is processing on overload.
This "peering into the abyss" situation is not for the faint of heart. It is mental surgery, removing everyone else's shit from my head so that I can think and operate in a shit-free environment.

What I need is mental floss. "Floss daily for optimum mental health", and don't let other people rent space in your head!

I know what to do, but I don't always do it. My track record is much better these days, and I am actively using what I know - putting it all together.

I had a sudden shift in perception last autumn and found myself in a space of oneness while driving my car. The road, the car, myself, trees, buildings - all of it was part of one continuous energy. It was a unified energy field which was conscious and intelligent. It was loving and neutral. It was a Mind. Everything became the one thing - one enormous, expansive, intelligent, conscious, breathing thing. It changed how I though about literally, everything from asphalt to scritpures and the nature of God and the demiurge. Big renovation to the inner landscape. The entire structure was torn down and rebuilt.

But still I have to get up and go to work each morning and wonder why there is negativity in the workplace, pedophiles, road rage, identity theft,tainted food and water, etc. So, this place is never going to change, right?

It's us.

We change.

One by one we change, but we have to keep the drama from becomming our reality again while we are present in this place.

Extreme introspection is the best mental floss I have found, as it keeps me honest when the dramas in life begin and I need to remain aware of my own motives.

I just keep telling myself: don't let people rent space in my head. I've seen the oneness and I have breathed with it. And that is more real than made-truths and petty drama.

that was so awesome!!! i myself have been doing some mental flossing,and i also kicked the renters out of my head as well. and as far as mental surgery in a shit free environment ,good GOD that was great!!
this is so necessary .until you do go extreme with introspection,you cannot grasp not only what imposed beliefs are there
but the shock of how we truly are our own worst enemy.and yes ,do dig deep the demons of your own self live in the shadows ,some you know about,but the ones you have not met before can scare you the most,yes BC sophie this is a rocken good post!

sopherim

Hi bicyclesophie

That was a great post! It's good to see you posting again on the "new" site.

PLU ~ Bob

The weeks after the day of my "experience" were filled with a tremendous amount of anxiety and heightened awareness. Having been introduced to Gnosticism in 1993, I have stuck with it and worked to decipher and compare the many ideas against my religious upbringing. I resisted the idea of a demiurge at times, agreed at other times. Was Paul a Gnostic teacher whose teachings were bastardized in favor of an orthodoy, or was he a double agent working against Gnostics and other free thinkers to establish a tradition of fear and subjugation: (spelling?) a Roman/Jewish double agent pretending to be a follower of Christ?

I felt my identity melting away, as I had identified myself with a false scheme imposed upon me from the beginning. But the rabbit hole experience was an intentional journey that I had embarked upon two months prior to all of this. I can only see it as my voluntary preparatory journey. Had I not agreed to dig down deep and behonest with myself, my feelings about people, God, life, etc., I'm certain that I would have had a nervous breakdown when it all shifted. As it was, I had a major anxiety attack: pacing and shaking, babbling about the demiurge and the nature of the true God, and everything being a lie.

"The Grid", as I saw this energy of Oneness, this breathing energy field, was not responsible for terrorizing frightened refugees in the wilderness, threatenting to crush them with a mountain if they did not worship him. The moment I had that thought, about 5 days after the experience in the car, was when the period of inner remodeling really began. I couldn't see straight, literally. I became dislexic. Scriptures that I puzzled over became plain and I became very intuitive. Even now I sometimes see people standing around other people, like deceased relatives or friends. My little "hunches" are nearly always correct and I do not question myself or what I see/hear/smell/feel.

The weeks of extreme anxiety that I endured were very difficult. I felt terribly suspicious about everything. Everything I had ever known was not what I thought it was. I've heard it would be that way, but nothing can prepare a person for for this, really. It is psychologically upsetting to the core. William S. Burroughs said, of the road to the Western Lands: "Only if you are willing to lay aside everything you have ever know can you find the road to the Western Lands". (I'm sure I botched up the exact quote).

It was like being born. I don't want to go through that again. I'm just glad to be here. It is much easier now, to live in this world.

excellent post, bicyclesophie. Godspeed to you on yer journey Home.
here's a god website on introspection:
http://www.gurdjieff-internet.com/article_details.php?ID=242&W=44