JEWISH JOKES

Here's another one:

The Negotiator


Moishe goes into a restaurant and orders potato latkes. When they arrive at his table, he does not like the look of them and changes his order to blintzes. Later, when he had finished, he gets up to leave.

"Wait a second," said the manager, "You haven't paid for your blintzes."

"What are you talking about?" Moishe replies. "Those blintzes were only an exchange. I gave you the potato latkes for them."

"Yes, but you didn't pay for them either."

"Why should I pay for the potato latkes? I didn't eat them."

How we got the Ten Commandments


This is a little known tale of how God came to give us the Ten Commandments.

God first went to the Egyptians and asked them if they would like a commandment.

"What's a commandment?" they asked.

"Well, it's like, THOU SHALT NOT COMMIT ADULTERY," replied God.

The Egyptians thought about it and then said, "No way, that would ruin our weekends."

So then God went to the Assyrians and asked them if they would like a commandment.

They also asked, "What's a commandment?"

"Well," said God, "It's like, THOU SHALT NOT STEAL."

The Assyrians immediately replied, "No way. That would ruin our economy."

So finally God went to the Jews and asked them if they wanted a commandment.

They asked, "How much?"

God said, "They're free."

The Jews said, "Great! We'll take TEN."

Here's one. A man calls his wife and says, "Oi, the doctor thinks I might have a venereal disease."

"What is that?" asked his wife, and her husband said he would ask the doctor.

"Oi, we have nothing to worry about dear, it's a disease of the gentiles..."

Three Business men where getting out for lunch , while starting thier way down the street walking one said, Hey you guys know there are practically Jews in every race of people, number two said ya like German -Jews, Austrian-jews, even Russian-Jews, The third guy said yaa I know there are evn Chineese-Jews.

They all stopped and looked at him and said, get out of here , there is no such thing.... so He said , Yaa I aint fooling yaa really.. lets get lunch at this little chinees place up here, and we`ll ask him ok? They all agreed, and went in and got seated.

The waiter came by and said -- Can I help you Preez.

They said, yes we were talking and came in to find out if You have any Chinees Jews?

Waiter... as he held up his Finger, said Hold dar, one moment Preez

He rushed back into the kitchen and they could see him talking to the Cheff
wondering maybe if they said something wrong
He then came dashing out to the table again.

costomers... So, do you have any Chinees Jews

waiter.. (Being a little out of breath) said rerry sory No chinees Juzs, Have Tomato juzz, orange Juzz...grafriut juz, But sorry no Chinees Juz ...